Closing in 2 days

Two days until we close on a home we have decided to purchase and I wanted to put my many thoughts on a page. Because this decision is not just a simple choice to buy a house some place and oh, how nice, move on. This decision will affect our family in very real ways over the course of our time there. For good, I know, and maybe the bad, but we are moving to this home because number one: we believe in the restoration of all things and as for me and my family, we will follow Jesus. And number two: we hate racism and elitism. Let me explain…

Lets start here: when I tell people we are in the process of buying a house, they ask WHERE? of course. As we all know the three rules of real estate, location, location, location!! I then tell them we are moving to North City close to Crown Candy in Old North St. Louis or just north of downtown and I then await the blank stares and the raised eye brows and the but WHY?? And is it safe?! responses. Ugh. I’m so tired of having to explain myself every time but it’s important. One of these days, I’m just not going to and I’ll leave it at that. Perhaps, part of me feels I need to rationalize it to myself as well. Not sure, but I have many mixed feelings.

My initial feeling is excitement. Excited to own a home and to love it and to work on it (Hopefully not giving every paycheck to home depot) and living LIFE in this place raising our family.  It is a 6-bedroom home with 2 full baths. It was built in the year 1898. It has all the original woodwork with faux graining and gorgeous pocket doors. Another giant perk is its 0.5 miles away from our dearest friends. The house was rehabbed in 2008. We are in love with the property.

My second feeling is fear. Fear of the “neighborhood”, fear of the stigma placed upon me and my family for living there, and even fear for ours but more importantly my daughter’s safety at times.

My third feeling is HOPE. Hope for the coming day when all things will be made right. Hope in restoration of ruined places and cities. Hope in GOOD and the fact that it has indeed overcome evil, despite the ways in which real evil still exists. Hope that more families will continue to move into areas that need love and community. Hope in racial integration. Hope that more families will be willing to work at community and development and not just settle for a hip and established part of town simply given to them. Although this isn’t a bad thing either. It’s just a different lifestyle I guess.

When I think of the history of that part of the city we are moving too, I think of the infamous Pruitt Igoe of course and the complex mix of events and beliefs at that time that lead the city to the state it was once in. Its quite complicated and I would recommend watching THIS documentary to learn more. But aside from that extreme, this part of the city still seems to be fighting levels of poverty and ruin in regards to the beautiful old homes that still stand there. There are still plots that need gardens, homes that need residents, renovations, and streets that need trees. 

 {Click here to learn about the restoration happening now.}

Why do I care? Or why should we care? For me, I think of my childhood, that magical time in our lives where things were always so perfect. We rode our bikes in the street, played in the sprinklers on hot summer days, family barbeques and birthday parties. We had nothing to care about except PLAY. I loved my childhood and I’ll always remember it. Now as an adult, when I think back, I realize this was not every child’s experience. Not everyone had private schooling and braces. Not everyone had a white picket fence and republicans for neighbors. Not everyone had the opportunity to go to the university. We were white and we were wealthy.

I love my parents dearly and they worked hard to give us everything, in which they did. I am so grateful for their hard work and the cherished joy of a childhood that resulted. But inwardly, all the privilege and economic status, for ME, in some ways it taught me to want more than anything in life, the American dream. And this is the real crux. If my whole life is aimed at achieving the American dream, I think my life would be wasted in a way. SO our decision to move to this house, our future HOME, is in some ways a push against the “American dream” and our way of moving towards the people in life that sometimes we do not want to associate with, the poor, even homeless and the despised. I believe the Lord’s kingdom is an upside down one and I hate how I always forget that. And in turn we also get to move into a rich community of dwellers who love old buildings and things like we do.

It will be interesting to come back to this post a year from now. What kinds of experiences we will have had at that point. How have our feelings changed or not changed? We will see! 

Tia Sabrina

And yet another beloved sister comes to visit us here in saint louis to meet our little girl and her new niece. I always dreamed of these moments when I was young, raising children alongside my sisters and going to their birthday parties on the weekend. Life is not always exactly as I dreamed but that's ok. My family is far and I may only get to see them once or twice a year, but it makes our reunions sweeter and phone calls (or Skype calls) that more important.

But once again, Cora loved meeting a new auntie. auntie Sabrina, or "Tia" as we call her. It's amazing to see Cora really learn to recognize new people and family members. In the beginning, she examined Sabrina carefully and seemed a little confused at times but then as the days came and went, she began to smile suddenly when Sabrina would approach her and talk to her. And of course, her aunts always come bearing gifts. So Cora received many new books and outfits and even cute little wooden animal friends.

auntie also brought another gift from a sweet friend, her second vinyl album (Dylan's highway 61 revisited) and we've already listened to it all the way through. She likes it I think, and we can't wait to see her dance to all her great music.

Some people think that infants can be boring, that all they do is sleep and want milk. And at times, I thought perhaps they were right? I can remember feeling that infants weren't whole people yet, that they needed time for this to occur. Becoming a mother for the first time has completely changed the way I feel about this. Cora is truly a whole person already, developing YES but whole. She has many colorful desires already and she has only been in this world 2+months. One being BOOKS. She loves being read to and we love reading to her. She is already learning to communicate with us with her coos and sing song voices. When I talk to her, her eyes get big and her lashes seem extra long, and she kicks and kicks her legs against my chest in excitement, eager to listen and eager to learn to speak one day herself.

While Sabrina was here, we walked to the gelateria on South Grand near our home. We order coffee and find a comfy spot out on the back patio to feel the humid breeze and smell the fresh air after the rain. Cora sleeps gently in the bjorn carrier until she wakes and then auntie holds her close. Last night, we had a power outage and so the iPads and tv shows were put away and we picnicked on the porch where the sun was still present. Other wandering neighbors joined us later and it turned out to be a lovely evening, made more enjoyable by the lack of electricity. 

We miss Tia already and look forward to the next time she meets all her aunties. 

{Spring}

Cora and I look forward to every new day as we find fun things to do with all our time. When we aren't busy out and about, we nap together in the middle of the day. Often, she will wake up mid-nap and look around, when she sees that I am sleepy too, and right next to her, we fall back asleep for maybe another hour. Some days it feels lazy. We are in the process of moving to our new home but thats not for another two weeks. So we are living out of boxes and it makes it hard for me to be motivated to clean up sometimes. The dust bunnies are collecting but I know I'll get around to all that later. In the meantime, I will rock and play with Cora and at least keep up on the dishes and laundry. 

We definitely make time to take walks to the park near our home. Cora loves the feel of the gentle movement of our walking. She slowly falls asleep to the sound of the birds in the trees above her. 

She is learning excellent head control and loves to look around and notice new things about her surroundings. In the mornings she will lay in her bouncy chair on the kitchen table in the sunlight as we sing to her and make coffee. She simply smiles and looks around and she wiggles around and learns to use her cute little limbs. Every time I return to her to smile and talk to her, she has drool bubbles flowing from her tiny mouth. She will smile again as I wipe them away, maybe she thinks its a game. 

My favorite thing is to hear her little sounds. I can't wait to one day hear her say "Mama" or "Papa" with her precious little voice. I already have so much happiness when I look at her or hold her against my skin, I can't imagine what I will feel like when she is changing more and more and becoming the little creative independent girl God created her to be, I imagine I'll burst with joy! I wonder about what she will be like, what games she will like to play, will she like to camp with her mama and papa? Will she love the feel of the cool ground against her bare feet? Will she become the florist we secretly wish her to be? :) 

On the agenda today, we are making a trip to the paint store. We've decided on a coral for the guest room, a lily pad green for the first living room, an ochre yellow for the second living room, and a lavender for our bedroom. Unsure of other rooms so we will wait on those. I hope Cora learns to love bright colors as her mama does. 

Mi {Cora}zon 2 months

Life with Cora

What a beautiful time it is with Cora. I love to see her grow and hear her new sounds as her little voice making itself known. She loves to look up at the fans and smile. She must think they are just so funny :) and then there are other light fixtures that kind of scare her. We just stay away from the mean ones. 

Cora spends many minutes cuddled in the nook of either her mama or papa or friend. We read scripture to her and tell her of the good news that will one day be her own story. We tell her it was through the power of His Word that created all things, big and small, including her perfect little self. 

Nana sent to her a sleeper that was once Jonathans when he was her age. I think she thinks its pretty special, I know we do. 

Cora has a very loving godmother, she calls her "Coco Puff"and I think it's beginning to stick ;) She received a gift from her godmother one day, this adorable little hat that makes her look like the sweetest little cupcake that ever was. 

Cora was able to meet her Aunt Amber this past month too. That was a lot of fun for everyone. It was a great time to sit out on the porch with Cora, a hot cup of coffee, listen to the soft rain, and catch up. 

Cora will always love her Aunties

We are in the throws of moving too, so good friends came by to have a packing pizza party that night. Aunt Amber rocked Cora to sleep as we all wrapped glasses and dishes. 

Cora also received her very first vinyl (Alabama Shakes) from her loving uncle Brandon. We miss him and are excited for him to one day meet Cora, but in the mean time, he will dutifully teach her good music. 

Cora's first visit to frozen Custard, I guess it doesn't really count if she can't have any but it was fun nonetheless. 

Out to Tani for the best sushi in St. louis 

For my very first Mother's day, Amber took me out for pedicures! (Cora dozed the whole time)

First Mothers Day and I couldn't be happier ;)

yesterday, in the park near our home, we set up floral arrangements in vintage little tins on sweet vintage tablecloths for a friends dinner rehearsal. It was the perfect day to be outdoors and with friends. 

thanks for reading and happy Spring!