Closing in 2 days

Two days until we close on a home we have decided to purchase and I wanted to put my many thoughts on a page. Because this decision is not just a simple choice to buy a house some place and oh, how nice, move on. This decision will affect our family in very real ways over the course of our time there. For good, I know, and maybe the bad, but we are moving to this home because number one: we believe in the restoration of all things and as for me and my family, we will follow Jesus. And number two: we hate racism and elitism. Let me explain…

Lets start here: when I tell people we are in the process of buying a house, they ask WHERE? of course. As we all know the three rules of real estate, location, location, location!! I then tell them we are moving to North City close to Crown Candy in Old North St. Louis or just north of downtown and I then await the blank stares and the raised eye brows and the but WHY?? And is it safe?! responses. Ugh. I’m so tired of having to explain myself every time but it’s important. One of these days, I’m just not going to and I’ll leave it at that. Perhaps, part of me feels I need to rationalize it to myself as well. Not sure, but I have many mixed feelings.

My initial feeling is excitement. Excited to own a home and to love it and to work on it (Hopefully not giving every paycheck to home depot) and living LIFE in this place raising our family.  It is a 6-bedroom home with 2 full baths. It was built in the year 1898. It has all the original woodwork with faux graining and gorgeous pocket doors. Another giant perk is its 0.5 miles away from our dearest friends. The house was rehabbed in 2008. We are in love with the property.

My second feeling is fear. Fear of the “neighborhood”, fear of the stigma placed upon me and my family for living there, and even fear for ours but more importantly my daughter’s safety at times.

My third feeling is HOPE. Hope for the coming day when all things will be made right. Hope in restoration of ruined places and cities. Hope in GOOD and the fact that it has indeed overcome evil, despite the ways in which real evil still exists. Hope that more families will continue to move into areas that need love and community. Hope in racial integration. Hope that more families will be willing to work at community and development and not just settle for a hip and established part of town simply given to them. Although this isn’t a bad thing either. It’s just a different lifestyle I guess.

When I think of the history of that part of the city we are moving too, I think of the infamous Pruitt Igoe of course and the complex mix of events and beliefs at that time that lead the city to the state it was once in. Its quite complicated and I would recommend watching THIS documentary to learn more. But aside from that extreme, this part of the city still seems to be fighting levels of poverty and ruin in regards to the beautiful old homes that still stand there. There are still plots that need gardens, homes that need residents, renovations, and streets that need trees. 

 {Click here to learn about the restoration happening now.}

Why do I care? Or why should we care? For me, I think of my childhood, that magical time in our lives where things were always so perfect. We rode our bikes in the street, played in the sprinklers on hot summer days, family barbeques and birthday parties. We had nothing to care about except PLAY. I loved my childhood and I’ll always remember it. Now as an adult, when I think back, I realize this was not every child’s experience. Not everyone had private schooling and braces. Not everyone had a white picket fence and republicans for neighbors. Not everyone had the opportunity to go to the university. We were white and we were wealthy.

I love my parents dearly and they worked hard to give us everything, in which they did. I am so grateful for their hard work and the cherished joy of a childhood that resulted. But inwardly, all the privilege and economic status, for ME, in some ways it taught me to want more than anything in life, the American dream. And this is the real crux. If my whole life is aimed at achieving the American dream, I think my life would be wasted in a way. SO our decision to move to this house, our future HOME, is in some ways a push against the “American dream” and our way of moving towards the people in life that sometimes we do not want to associate with, the poor, even homeless and the despised. I believe the Lord’s kingdom is an upside down one and I hate how I always forget that. And in turn we also get to move into a rich community of dwellers who love old buildings and things like we do.

It will be interesting to come back to this post a year from now. What kinds of experiences we will have had at that point. How have our feelings changed or not changed? We will see!